Today, I collected the papers for the final judgment. It's finally all over. I'm not crushed. After all, it was only a matter of time since the interim judgment was given. I was living my life as well as I could in the mean time. It's only paperwork, even if it grants me back my single status in the eye of the law.
My only concern is, emotionally, have I reached closure? I spoke to a friend who's also going through a divorce, and we agree we fear going into another relationship, making us rather non-committal in the eyes of others. I am not sure what I need to do to reach closure. But I know, I don't want to make the same mistakes. Even if the failure of a relationship is in the dynamics of two persons, I know I am not faultless. Until I come face-to-face with my own issues, I would necessarily have to learn the lessons again in future. This, I will have to deal with, sooner rather than later. How, I don't know yet.
Friends have asked me to celebrate. I'm ambivalent about it. It feels wrong to celebrate the dissolution of an union that's meant to last a lifetime. I would rather think of it as a start to a new beginning, as a chance for me to get clarity on who I am and what I want, to live my life as I want. And that is worth celebrating.
4 comments:
the new chapter, with promises of all things optimistic, is worth celebrating :)
Sin Lady - yes it is. And thank you for always being here for me. :)
it's worth a quiet toast to yourself. doesn't have to be with anyone. :) a new chapter, to you, for you.
Imp - very good point, and I will. Thank you. :)
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