I will be in Bali from 21 May to 7 Jun for a yoga retreat. I'm looking forward to finally having a long break. The last time I had a long break was in 2008. It's been too long. Finally, I'm having some time to myself.
While I look forward to the retreat, I also wonder what would come up. In yoga, we believe that emotions that are not dealt with are held in the body. Admittedly, I have cried after some intense sessions. Not only that, I have unfailingly been sick through the last four workshops. I don't know if it's too much toxicity/emotions being released into the body. But I just feel like my body is staging a rebellion of sorts right now. Sick and tired and giving all sorts of strange symptoms. I've already been to the doctor four times this month.
I guess some things just have to be dealt with in order for me to move on. I will just have to take it as it comes. I hope I can persist through it.
And really, I feel that my life had been governed by fear, and I wish for it no more. I really just wish to let go and live life fully. I know two weeks is not going to change everything; but I hope that it will be a turning point. It has been a struggle since I started on this journey of teacher's training.
Maybe because I never wanted any thing very much, and I've never struggled or work very hard to get something. I had in the past tend to start new projects but abandon them before they're done or before I get any good in it. Persisting in this endeavour has been tough. Many times, I felt that I've already emotionally given up. I am in class but my heart was not there.
I hope I can begin to let go of these baggage on this trip.
4 comments:
the journey to recovery and self-discovery is a lonely one, and sometimes a long one too.
Be gentle and forgiving of yourself.
Enjoy Bali and the friends who will be with you, ok :)
SL - we are all fundamentally alone. That is sometimes hard to accept. And I've also realised how hard it is sometimes to be gentle and forgiving of myself. It is a long road.
Thank you. I'll enjoy Bali. :)
We were in Bali nearly about the same period! Welcome home and hope you found the peace needed.
imp - we were. I was mostly in Ubud though. Certainly didn't go to so many places like you did. :)
And I do feel calmer and refreshed from the trip. Thank you.
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