Lessons Learnt

The assessment is finally over. Two years of work, confronting myself, running away from myself, coming back to the mat and attempting not to lose heart entirely. It showed and the result spoke for itself. I was so worried about passing that I was a complete bunch of nerves on the day of assessment. In the end, that was not the most important thing.

The most important thing I had gained in the last two years, is the community that has been built around the practice. Everyone's generosity, bringing cakes, cookies, lemongrass drinks, and even yusheng during Lunar New Year, to the studio during the workshop. Helping each other to correct our asanas, being patient when the stress made us show our ugly sides at various points. Even helping to clean up the studio when we are finished with class. All these helped to build a support network of trust and in sustaining the energy to continue with the practice.

And much of these, I credit to my teacher. He has seen some of the temper flares and moderated us. He saw the hardness in some, and reminded us not to practice hard as that reflects and reinforces our characters. These have kept the group together instead of breaking into distinct cliques. Even in Bali, the other students of his I met are all unfailingly helpful and generous in sharing what they know, being more senior students. Without his guidance, the group might not have stayed together as well as it did.

The respect that he has gained, and our wish to follow him on this path, is not something that can be demanded or coerced out of us. True respect comes from the heart. Deference is nothing.

Facing my Fears

I was doing my headstand to the wall - as usual. My teacher asked me to go in the middle of the room. He put two bolsters onto my mat and asked me to go into the free-standing headstand. When he asks, you do. No questions asked.

The point of balance in the headstand is towards the back of the body. To learn to balance in the asana means I'll have to move my weight back, which means a good chance of falling towards the back. As I struggled to hold the asana steady, he asked me to bend my legs and assisted me into a drop back, i.e. I bend my legs and (try to) extend over backwards until my feet are onto the floor and I'm in dwi pada viparita dandasana.

That is supposed to be what I do when I lose my balance in the headstand. Except of course I need to react fast enough when I lose balance to attempt the drop back. I fell flat onto the bolsters the first time I lost balance. And the second time. And the third time. After which I had to ask, "Am I done?" Happily, I was dismissed.

Yesterday I struggled and barely managed to stay for a minute in the headstand. And I didn't dare risk falling over backwards. Today, I managed to stay in my headstand for a few minutes; although I still fell back instead of dropping back. :)

Letting Go

I will be in Bali from 21 May to 7 Jun for a yoga retreat. I'm looking forward to finally having a long break. The last time I had a long break was in 2008. It's been too long. Finally, I'm having some time to myself.

While I look forward to the retreat, I also wonder what would come up. In yoga, we believe that emotions that are not dealt with are held in the body. Admittedly, I have cried after some intense sessions. Not only that, I have unfailingly been sick through the last four workshops. I don't know if it's too much toxicity/emotions being released into the body. But I just feel like my body is staging a rebellion of sorts right now. Sick and tired and giving all sorts of strange symptoms. I've already been to the doctor four times this month.

I guess some things just have to be dealt with in order for me to move on. I will just have to take it as it comes. I hope I can persist through it.

And really, I feel that my life had been governed by fear, and I wish for it no more. I really just wish to let go and live life fully. I know two weeks is not going to change everything; but I hope that it will be a turning point. It has been a struggle since I started on this journey of teacher's training.

Maybe because I never wanted any thing very much, and I've never struggled or work very hard to get something. I had in the past tend to start new projects but abandon them before they're done or before I get any good in it. Persisting in this endeavour has been tough. Many times, I felt that I've already emotionally given up. I am in class but my heart was not there.

I hope I can begin to let go of these baggage on this trip.

A Very Busy 2009 & 2010

I've decided that I will be taking up the yoga teacher's training course. It's a rare opportunity: there are few Iyengar-trained teachers in town, and probably none that can teach a teacher's training course. And the teacher is likely not holding any teacher's training after this one because of the demand on his time and energy. The course will start at the end of Feb 09 and the assessment is expected to be at the end of 2010 or early 2011.

A daily practice is expected, and the only way to do it is early every morning. Many days by the time I reach home, I'm usually too tired and hungry from the journey from one side of the island to another. Not to mention that there is no possibility of a social life if I practice at night. But it also means 10pm bedtimes from now on. If anything, the lifestyle change is probably going to be the most difficult of all. No more late nights out. Any spare time will be spent reading on yoga to prepare for the theory tests and to cultivate the mind through the first two of the eight limbs of yoga.

What Yoga Is NOT

I received an email yesterday that made me very upset. Not so much because of what was said wrongly about yoga, but the fact that one of the persons who continued the mass emailing was a pastor. I know because I have the email address of the person. If a pastor thinks it right to send out mass emails speaking negatively of other religions and/or practices to their friends and other church mates without verifying the truth, it chills me to my bones what else would they say.

And this is not the first time, that a pastor has insinuated to me that yoga is wrong and possibly demonic. Of course, she didn't use those words. She was much more subtle. But the intention is clear. And she had smugly told me that she's "one of the 12" senior pastors in her church, and a very big church in Singapore too.

Just as CEOs and accountants need to be accountable for the companies they hold stewardship for, surely religious leaders also need to be accountable to their congregation and to their community at large to: 1) say only things that are true; and 2) maintain harmony and respect not only within their congregation but also with the community? Where is that moral responsibility?

I reproduce the email in full below so you can judge for yourself:

>> Hi All,
>>
>> Please read testimony below about yoga.
>>
>> HI friends,
>>
>> On Wednesday, I attended a talk by an ex-yoga teacher, Mdm
>> PohShon Choy, who
>> sold her yoga centre (earning lots of money giving yoga
>> lessons) and severed
>> all ties with yoga. She urges us to inform relatives,
>> friends, Family
>> members, etc., NOT to get involved at all.
>>
>> For those who had taken up yoga lessons (hot yoga, power
>> yoga, pe-la-tei, so
>> on), repent and ask God for forgiveness.
>>
>> Many claimed that they only join to keep fit, only doing
>> the exercise poses
>> and not meditation.
>>
>> Christians think it is ok so long they don't
>> participate in the Meditation
>> part. Mdm Choy explains that the central of Yoga
>> (originated from Hinduism)
>> is the spirit of Kundalini (spirit Of snake or cobra).
>>
>> Yoga poses are actually animal poses (e.g. camel, rabbit,).
>> All these look
>> very normal and harmless, stretching and exercising.
>>
>> But the danger is, once a person does such poses, the
>> spirit of Kundalini
>> (the snake is in a coiled position) is stimulated or
>> aroused.
>>
>> As the persons goes from basic to intermediate to advance
>> stage of yoga
>> lessons (still not meditation yet), the coiled
>> "snake" will be aroused
>> further. It will rise and rise further.
>>
>> There are 7 centres in the human body - Starting from the
>> navel.
>>
>> The final centre is the part between the eye brows (known
>> to many as the
>> third eye). When the spirit is
>> aroused to the final centre, the third eye will be opened.
>>
>> This is called the full enlightenment.
>>
>> The first thing the person sees is demons. For some, they
>> will become insane
>> seeing such horrifying demons.
>>
>> For others, they are not afraid and will have the power to
>> fore-tell other
>> people's health, problems, luck, etc (like a fortune
>> teller).
>>
>> In fact, they manipulate and control other people.
>>
>> The meditation part will come in very subtle.
>>
>> Mdm Choy said she was approached by a couple who found her
>> contact from the
>> yellow pages and told her they wanted To teach her new
>> things about yoga.
>>
>> She was very keen and sat under their teaching. She learnt
>> how to meditate
>> and it must be done in odd hours of the day (past
>> midnight). So she tried..
>> She actually felt a wriggling feeling in her stomach!
>> She also mentioned that her third eye was opened. She
>> could see her own
>> aura (electric fields in all human beings).
>>
>> Her turning point came when God caused her spiritual eyes
>> to open - she
>> witnessed a lady being delivered, wriggling like a snake on
>> the floor. Mdm
>> Choy thanked God for being gracious to her; she took 1-2
>> weeks to be
>> delivered.
>>
>> She knows of a lady who took 3 months to be cleansed!!
>>
>> It is a sad thing; there is even yoga lessons for children.
>>
>> In the States, a Methodist started the Christian yoga.
>> However, there are
>> some believers who still continue, saying that they find no
>> harm after doing
>> yoga for 3 years.
>>
>> Mdm Choy says it is our soul that is in danger. The evil
>> one will try all
>> ways to ensnare/trap Christians.
>>
>> Someone in the class raised a question - if we have The
>> Holy Spirit, how can
>> the spirit of kundalini be aroused?
>>
>> Mdm Choy replied our God is a holy God, the Holy Spirit
>> will be grieved and
>> will depart. God cannot be mocked.
>>
>> God's spirit left King Saul when he disobeyed God. To
>> God, rebellion spirit
>> is witchcraft.
>>
>> We are not against yoga teachers, yoga students but we are
>> fighting against
>> powers, principalities in the
>> Spiritual realm..
>>
>> Let's be on guard, be aware!
>>
>>God Bless

Wagging My Tail

I am most pleased, that a friend has joined my teacher's yoga class purely on my recommendation. There's nothing that interests me now more than yoga. And I truly believe in the Iyengar way of teaching and practising yoga - for his depth of understanding of the workings of the body and his holistic view of yoga. The various parts of yoga is not to be picked and chosen as one likes; nor to be patented or copyrighted as if its a wholly new creation from yesterday.

I have tried yoga classes with their attendant fancy monikers, and it scares me that there are people out there teaching harmful ways of getting into the asanas all for the sake of making their classes fun, or challenging. I've seen people desperately trying to balance on headstand with no support, and not being guided to align their spine correctly. I cannot imagine the damage they are doing to their neck or back five years down the road. Even now, when I am not mindful or careless when practising shoulderstand or headstand (with support), I can feel the pain in my neck and shoulders easily for a week after that.

So to be able to convince friend who's interested in yoga to take an Iyengar is most satisfying. As a fellow yogi would say, I'm wagging my tail in downward dog.

Being Thankful

After class two days ago, I mentioned to my yoga teacher the difficulties I had with my adho mukha vrksasana. Even after I get up (with help from another person), I couldn't concentrate. I could only either focus on my arms, or my legs, and not do both without falling.

My teacher wisely pointed out, before my workshop last week, I needed a lot of help just to get up into the handstand, but now I could almost get up against the wall myself. It made me realize how often we remember what we don't have, but forget to be thankful for what we have. Even a little progress is worth being thankful for, no matter that we have not gotten to our intended destination yet.

As Peter says, "little by little". Being thankful for every little bit is what will keep us going on the journey.

Iyengar Yoga Introductory Workshop with Peter Thomson

If you are interested in yoga, now there's the chance to pick it up from Peter Thomson, the teacher whom I have been taking the yoga intensives from. There really is no one else I could think of who's a better teacher than him here. With his 35 years of teaching experience, he teaches you the process of practising yoga, instead of just a series of asanas, so that you can practise and learn on your own, even without the presence of a teacher.

This is the first time he is doing an introductory workshop in Singapore, so catch it if you're interested. Places are filling up fast.

Dates: 30 November, 1 & 2 December 2007
Timing:

• 30 November 07 (Friday) 7.00pm to 9.30pm
• 1 December 07 (Saturday) 9.00am to 11.30am, 1.00pm to 3.30pm
• 2 December 07 (Sunday) 9.00am to 11.30am
  

Fees: SGD $240.00

Oasis Holistic
Block 10 Selegie Road #01-50
Selegie House
Singapore 180010
Phone: (65) 64422881

5am Mornings But I'm Happy

Remember the yoga intensives that I told you about? Well, the follow-up session is coming up on Sat. I didn't sign up for the follow up series in November because I wasn't sure how I was going to survive the first round. Moreover, the second round is bound to be tougher. Turned out I survived pretty well. The 5am mornings are tougher than the 29 hours of yoga over 9 days though.

Yesterday, before yoga class started, my yoga teacher asked me to seriously consider taking up the next round of intensives. I know she would ask only if she thinks the student is ready. And she said that her teacher thinks I got potential. How could I say no? So come next week, it's 5am mornings again.

Happily, she also said I should move up to intermediate class from January onwards. Yippee!

A Proud Zebra

In the past week, I had exercised everyday. It went like this: swimming, yoga, swimming, yoga, yoga, swimming, yoga. Of course, I'm tired. Last Saturday, I came back from swimming and went right to zzz.... How healthy, I know. But it's a start!

It's been a long time since I've been swimming. I love to swim when the water has been warmed by the sun. I dread the cold and find it much easier to get going in the sun-filled water. That warm comforting feeling is probably what it felt like when I was in mommy's womb.

The second time I was in the pool, I forgot to count the number of laps and found that I enjoyed it more than ever. The warm water made me feel like swimming forever. And I probably swam more than I did when I counted laps.

Of course, the sun left its mark on me (no, I didn't put on sunblock because it feels icky and always gives me breakouts). Now, apart from the tan lines from the racer back, parts of me look like a zebra! No thanks to the striped swimsuit. Maybe I should head down to the last day of the Tannlines sale tomorrow.

Jump Back!

No, not you. It's what I learned in the yoga intensive. I learned to jump from Adho Mukha Savasana (downward dog):

to Utthita Trikonasana (triangle):

Photos from Yoga Journal

on one leg! Of course there are some move to transit between the two but it's too hard to explain here.

I thought I would land with a thump, but I didn't. I just felt light but managed to jump lightly even on the first try. The reverse was trickier but I managed to jump a little way without falling over.

Me am feeling very proud of myself. When I used to take ashtanga classes, I was struggling even after many weeks with the jumps without the preparation. It just goes to shows how well Peter prepared us for the asana.

Not so Fearful

Today is the third day of the intensive. The five-hour session yesterday was still manageable because we did a few basic and assisted inversions in the afternoon, which serves to rejuvenate the body. But we only had two hours today. There was little time for recovery asanas. I came back, took a (two-hour) nap and woke up aching all over. I'm glad I'm not working right now. Otherwise, I'll be struggling to stay awake in office.

But I'm glad I'm attending the intensive. We are taught the finer points of practice, are reminded that the practice is more mental than physical, and how important it is to listen to what your body tells you than to imitate a form. This couldn't have come earlier. I've learned through the painful way when I strained my neck on Thursday in my own practice, attempting the headstand when I wasn't feeling very focused or ready. I think the risk of injury is more fearful than going through the grueling workshop.

Fear and Trepidation

During Sunday's yoga class, my yoga teacher gave us a piece of good news. She wants us to attend the yoga intensive by Peter Thomson, her teacher, coming up in September. I am excited because that means she thinks we are ready to move on. Having gone through Peter Thomson's workshop last year, I know I will benefit much from it. In fact, just after three days of his workshop, I already found myself walking taller. And it can't get better than to learn from someone who had learnt directly from Mr Iyengar himself.

But as I was looking at the workshop programme, I felt fear creeping up. The workshop is from 6.30 am to 8.30 am from Monday to Friday. That means I would have to wake up latest by 5.30am? That seems manageable until I realised it's for 2 straight weeks! And Sat and Sun pack 5 hours of practice each. It's beginning to feel very daunting. And I'm sure, in the weeks to come before the workshop, my teacher is going to push us very hard. I'm bracing myself.

Release those Emotions

It's been a week of emotional ups and downs. And I don't even know the reason. Nothing serious, and nothing to worry about, but last night was most restless as I kept having nightmares. And I know I had dreamt one of the dreams before, except that I don't remember it now. It's strange. I never used to remember my dreams until about a year ago. Maybe it's the time I have now. Maybe I'm not tired out mentally by work. Or maybe because it's because I have been practising yoga.

More than one yoga teacher had told me that we carry emotional memory in our bodies, especially in the pelvic area. So when we work out and stretch those ligaments, we release those emotions we have hidden and carried with us all these time, even if we told ourselves we have forgotten them. Maybe releasing them is the key to moving forward, moving away from the past that holds us back. If that is the case, it is worth the slight disturbance now.

Great Grandmaster

I never thought of searching for yoga on YouTube. After all, it is a practice. What is there to see? Until B suggested, so I thought why not? He typed in "Iyengar Yoga". And we found videos of our teacher's grandmaster - Mr B.K.S. Iyengar himself! The video below is from 1938, so he was 20 when he did this demonstration.

And if you haven't said "Wah lau eh! How he do that har?" by this point, here's a video of him practising when he's 73.

And if you want to be even more inspired, watch the video of his teacher, Krisnamacharya, who lived to 101.

If only I could do just 10% of what they could do. And I want to be as fit when I'm 73.