I've embarked on another spring-cleaning exercise again. It never fails to amaze me how long it takes. This time it's the CDs. And I'm sure I need to get rid of more books. I need space. Stacking the yoga props is one corner is annoying me and I'm starting to feel the energy of the room is really down down down. I need to change the room which has pretty much looked the same in 10 years, except that it's increasingly cluttered. And the odd layout of the room is challenging me on how to rearrange the furniture.
Clearing things out makes me wonder if I'm taking the easy way out of junking stuff so that I no longer have to deal with them. Am I attempting to obliterate my past? Except that the past doesn't matter anymore. Only what I do in the present matters. And there is a lot of baggage to let go of.
I've basically stated to the boss that I'll be working part-time only come Aug. I don't know if this is the best arrangement. A couple of people asked if it wouldn't better to leave completely since I'm so unhappy there. I do feel that way. Except that when I broached the topic last year, the boss said nothing (to me). When I tried to hand over the work, he didn't catch.
I hate to think that the 3.5 years I spent getting things organized is going to go down the drain the moment I leave. Maybe I really need to let go of control. Yet, I also wonder if I'm running away from dealing with issues by wanting to leave. Yet, I feel I'm losing my will by staying. The sense of ennui and the negativity that surrounds the place is taking to much out of me. Maybe my sense of responsibility is over-riding my sense of what is good for me.
2 comments:
aiyoh! tossing out stuff from you room is so easy compared to what you are debating with yourself about the work and workplace...
SL - I think attitudinally, it's the same. Of course, to different degrees.
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